Star Trek Blogfest
Apparently there’s some kind of Star Trek blogfest going around. I just got back from vacation last night so I haven’t really had time to prepare anything. I guess the rules are that you’re supposed to talk about your favorite episodes, characters, or movies.
The thing about Trek is that while I really like most of it, I don’t LOVE it the way some people do. I haven’t really watched the original series. The Next Generation I remember a lot better and DS9 and Voyager, but I stopped watching with Enterprise. While there are a lot of good episodes, I don’t remember the titles for most of them. Though I think I could manage to write better descriptions than whoever did it for Netflix. Really the descriptions on the Netflix Instant for the Next Generation were so vague that I couldn’t remember what most of the episodes were.
There are so many great characters that I don’t want to get into that. I’ll leave it for the rabid fans to decide whether Kirk is better than Picard or Spock is better than Data. I don’t think you really can compare them in a lot of ways. To me Picard is more like your dad or your favorite uncle, the wise patriarch. Kirk is more like your best buddy, the one you go out drinking and picking up chicks (or dudes or asexual alien lifeforms) with. Comparing the two is kind of futile.
So let’s talk about movies! I bought the first six movies a few months ago off Amazon. It was another of those cases where thought, “Why the hell don’t I own these?” after Syfy or Spike or whatever channel was airing them. At some point I should buy the Next Gen ones, or just “First Contact” since the others aren’t so great. And JJ Abrams can go fuck himself.
Here’s how I rank the movies:
- Wrath of Khan: Duh. I think this is most every fan’s favorite. It’s also one of the first movies I can remember seeing when my dad took me and my brother to the drive-in to see it. They still had drive-ins back then! You really have everything: a great villain, a more mature Kirk who reaps what he’s sown, and a great musical score by James Horner. The effects aren’t great and Khan and his crew look like a punk rock band, but it’s still a great movie. It’s also the movie that makes me want to have bagpipes at my funeral.
- First Contact: This was the best of the Next Gen movies. While the Borg might sound like something you’d find at IKEA they make for the best Trek villains. Maybe it’s because their fascism is even greater than the Nazis and we all know that Nazis are the best movie villains. Plus James Cromwell as a drunken Zeffram Cochran (no I don’t know how to spell his name!) added some fun to the movie.
- The Voyage Home: Purely for sentimental reasons. I think I saw this with my dad and my brother (I think also a couple times with my sisters too) like eight times in the theater. I’m not sure why. When I watch it now the ’80s stuff seems pretty goofy. It’s really the most lighthearted of the Trek movies, which is why people might like it more than some of the other ones.
- The Undiscovered Country: I wish they had just left it at this for the old crew. It was a great farewell, with Kirk and company thwarting a political conspiracy. There were also some good political/environmental messages in it. And Christopher Plummer as the Shakespeare-quoting Klingon villain was pretty sweet. Really it was great when they figure out where the cloaked Klingon ship is and Kirk says “Fire!” and then the Enterprise and Excelsior just blow the shit out of it. Suck on that, Shakespeare!
- The Search for Spock: Not the greatest movie overall, but it has its moments. Poor Kirk loses his ship and his son. But he gets Spock back (spoiler!) so that’s something, right?
- The Final Frontier: Watching this recently I realized that while this isn’t a great movie, it’s not any less goofy than the premise than The Voyage Home. I mean going through the center of galaxy to find “God” makes as much sense as slingshotting your ship around the sun to find whales in the ’80s. Though what the hell is up with Uhura’s hair? That just bugs me.
- Nemesis: It’s too bad the Next Gen didn’t get quite the final sendoff the original crew got in Undiscovered Country. I’ve only watched this maybe once on DVD and parts of it on cable a couple of times. Can’t help thinking that with some more money for effects, actors, directors, etc. (like that prick JJ Abrams got) they could have made the Next Gen movies better. But the obvious problem for Nemesis was that when it came out LOTR (I think Fellowship) came out and so it really had no chance. Is it inappropriate though to make fun of Retard Data in it?
- Insurrection: Another Trek movie with a sort of ridiculous plot, where a bunch of aliens want to take over a planet because its atmosphere is like a Fountain of Youth and their Botox isn’t working anymore. Really Paramount, get some better writers for these things!
- Generations: This movie was completely unnecessary. I guess they wanted a visible way of passing the torch from the old crew to the new crew. First maybe they should have hired a personal trainer for Shatner. As much as I like Bill Shatner, he looks pretty old and fat and I really didn’t need to watch Old Fat Kirk fighting Malcolm McDowell. The whole production seemed makeshift too because most of the time the Next Gen cast was wearing the DS9 jumpsuits but sometimes they had the old Next Gen costumes, as did some of the background characters. It was much better in First Contact when everyone just had one type of uniform. (You know, uniform uniforms are a good thing.)
- The Motion Picture. Is there another name for this like “A New Hope” for Star Wars? Anyway, they should have just called this “Gene Roddenberry’s Attempt to Rip Off 2001.” There was something off about a lot of it, especially with Kirk acting like such an ass to take command of the Enterprise from Decker. And how many wardrobe changes did Kirk go through? More than Cher during a concert I think.
- Crappy JJ Abrams Reboot: I know a lot of people liked it and whatnot, but I hated it. Do not fuck with Kirk and Spock and Bones and the rest. I felt like how all those Catholics felt when “The Da Vinci Code” came out and suggested that Jesus was getting laid with Mary Magdalene. And the whole Kirk-Spock-Uhura thing is bullshit. Spock is a fucking Vulcan–yeah sure half-Vulcan–so he’s not fucking chicks. Plus it screws up the whole dynamic of the original series which was Kirk-Spock-McCoy were the alpha characters and the rest were the supporting characters. And what was that fucking Ewok thing hanging around with Scotty?
What should be another blog entry is an examination of how I can tolerate the Batman reboots and the James Bond reboots but I loathe the Star Trek reboot. The only worse idea to me is the inevitable Star Wars reboot.
So there you go.