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Scribblings: Batpooh State Edition

May 18, 2011

OK, so these are my notes for my future untitled opus about a galactic war between cats and dogs.  Basically the Bloc of Planetary States (the dogs) is the Federation and Cattatonia (cats, duh) are the Klingons in Star Trek.


First up, the overly detailed character list.  In part because since it’s like Star Trek I needed to decide who was doing what on the ship.  If the names sound goofy, we were little kids when we thought of them, so shut up.  Except the cat names are based on real cats we’ve owned, some who are dead and others who are still alive.



Captain Buster Maximillion Bulldog II:  Son of a tycoon, Buster chose a different path by enlisting in the BPS fleet, where through courage and intelligence he quickly rises to the rank of captain.

Jonathan Bulldog:  Buster’s non-identical twin brother.  Unlike Buster, he stays mostly on the ground as an aide to President Batpooh Bear.  As such Jonathan is closer to their father and will probably inherit the family company someday.

Lt. Jake Bulldog:  Buster and Jonathan’s younger brother, Jake is the security officer for the Batpooh.  He’s rough and tough and seen plenty of action in his time, though because of a bad attitude he’s only made lieutenant.


Commander Spot Mangy Mutt II:  Buster’s close friend and XO; they’ve been together just about everywhere since their Academy days.  While Buster is more daring and emotional, Spot is more calm and analytical—the Spock to Buster’s Kirk.

Lt. Commander Jeremiah Mutt:  Spot II’s older brother and non-identical twin of Spot I.  He’s the chief engineer of the Batpooh.  He doesn’t say a lot, but when he does it’s important.  He can also fix just about anything.

Spot Mangy Mutt I:  Spot II’s other older brother (Also not sure how we’ll use him.  Maybe I’ll wait to use him in the next story:  The Wrath of Spot I!  Spooooooooooot Ooooooooone!)

Ensign Dash Mutt:  Spot II’s younger brother who is the helmsman of the Batpooh.  He’s still a bit of a puppy, young and excitable.


Whiskers, Princess of Cattatonia:  Whiskers is the heir to the throne, a responsibility she takes very seriously.  That is until she meets Buster and her world is turned upside-down.

Smokey, Queen of Cattatonia:  Smokey has been the wise and noble ruler of Cattatonia for decades, but is preparing to turn over power to Whiskers.

Isis, Chief Royal Advisor:  Isis is the chief advisor to Queen Smokey and a good friend and loyal confidante of Whiskers.

Draco, Duke of Pussia:  Betrothed to Whiskers, Draco is older, fatter, and meaner.  He’s suspicious of the BPS but can’t intervene openly without jeopardizing his position.

Cassiopeia:  Adopted daughter of Draco, Cassie is part of Whiskers’s guards.  She’s wily and cunning, which is why Draco uses her to spy on Whiskers and obtain information about the BPS.  She’s also very anti-social and more likely to slit your throat than say hello.

Other Characters:

Lt. Marshy Ruff:  A new addition to the Batpooh crew, she takes over as the helmsman and soon develops a relationship with Spot II.  As one of the few females in the fleet, Marshy has had to be tough, but she’s also sweet underneath, which comes out when she’s alone with Spot.

Dr. Randy Ruff:  A brilliant scientist who after an accident has become a cyborg.  He’s also Marshy’s older brother.  Randy is in charge of developing new weapons and defenses for the BPS military.

Admiral Bob Barker:  Buster’s former commander, after the incident at the beginning Bob is promoted to admiral.  Wise and fair, he serves as a mentor to Buster.

Dr. Nina Barker:  Bob’s wife, who remains as medical officer of the Batpooh even after her husband’s promotion.  She’s also pregnant with non-identical twins:  Lisa and Carly, who will probably be born at the end.

President Batpooh Bear:  The latest in a long line of Bears to head the BPS, Batpooh is a wise and just leader who is slow to judgment and sometimes slow in reacting, especially during the traditional hibernation period for the bears of the BPS.

The Dodger:  A mutt whose name and past are unknown, Dodger is the BPS’s top intelligence operative.  He’s a bit of a loose cannon, answerable only to the highest levels of the BPS military.


Now on to the story.  Is it too complicated for 10-11 year old?  Hurm.  Though it’s kind of a mixture of “Avatar,” “Star Trek 6,” and a little “Iliad” thrown in with Whiskers as the Helen of Troy.

The Story:

It starts with the BSS Batpooh receiving a distress call from a colony world.  A meteor shower is threatening to wipe out the colony.  So Captain Barker orders the ship in to help by positioning it to deflect and blast meteors from hitting the main city while transports bring up the civilians.  But when a meteor gets through and damages the Batpooh, knocking the captain out, it’s up to Commander Buster Bulldog to save the day with some derring-do.  The colonists are saved and the Batpooh limps home.

Buster returns home a hero.  Captain Barker is promoted to admiral and Buster is given command of the Batpooh.  While the ship makes repairs, Buster spends some time with Spot and his brothers while wondering what his first assignment will be.

He’s brought in to meet with newly promoted Admiral Barker and gets his assignment.  An outpost has picked up signals from another system, one thought to be uninhabited.  As commander of the flagship and newest hero of the fleet, Buster and the Batpooh are dispatched to investigate and make contact if possible.

Along the way, Spot meets Marshy and they start to get to know each other as he shows her the ropes of life on board the ship.  Buster finds out there’s an unexpected passenger:  a BPS intelligence operative known only as Dodger.  He says that their intelligence indicates a race of aliens who are equal to or even superior to the BPS.  While Buster was instructed to make peaceful contact, Dodger’s instructions are to evaluate any potential threats and take appropriate action—which may include military action.

Soon after entering the system, the Batpooh comes upon another ship, this one heavily armed.  There are a few tense moments before the other ship makes contact with them.  It turns out that they’re a race of Cats!  Catts from Cattatonia that is.  The Catts have already decoded the BPS language and so are able to speak with them.  After some discussion, the captain of the Catt ship, Morgana or something, invites them back to their home world of Cattatonia to meet with Queen Smokey.

Spot doesn’t like the idea of going alone into unfamiliar territory, but Buster is curious and Dodger seconds it so they can learn more about the Catts.  So they make their way to Cattatonia, along the way seeing various Catt outposts—and more Catt warships.

Against Spot’s wishes, Buster goes down to the surface, along with Dodger, Jake, Dr. Randy Ruff, and some redshirts.  They get a good view of the Cattatonian cities, which are like those big things you can buy for cats to play in and so forth.  Then they land at the capital city.

The queen isn’t there, but she’s sent her daughter Princess Whiskers to greet them.  Buster is instantly struck by how beautiful Whiskers is.  She greets them and offers to chaperone them around the planet in her mother’s stead.

Before they leave, Draco warns Whiskers not to trust the outsiders.  When she refuses to heed this warning, he speaks with Cassie, instructing her to keep an eye on things.

On board the ship, Spot is nervously waiting for word about Buster and the Catt warships around them.  Marshy talks to him to calm him down.

Later, Whiskers and Buster are touring various places and Buster is seeing how alike the cats and dogs are despite their physical differences.  There’s a big feast, during which he and Whiskers talk about peace between their planets and exchanging ideas and such.  This doesn’t sit right with Cassie.  She sends a secret message to Draco, who tells her to eliminate the threat.

That night, Buster and Whiskers share a romantic moment (not TOO romantic) and then retire to separate bedrooms.  Whiskers talks to Isis about how much she likes Buster and how she always thought dogs would be mean but they aren’t.  (We should insinuate that in cat mythology dogs are depicted as demons.)

So after Isis is gone and Whiskers in bed, Cassie sneaks into the room.  She attacks Whiskers (in disguise) but then is driven off by Isis and some other guards.

With a little prompting from Draco, Queen Smokey thinks it’s one of Buster’s crew behind the attack.  Buster is arrested and the cats demand he tell who did it.  He protests his people’s innocence, but they decide to put him on trial anyway despite the pleadings of Whiskers that the dogs are good.

In orbit, Spot wants to mount a rescue mission, but the cat warships force them to leave.  Spot is reluctant to leave Buster, but decides the good of the many is more important than the good of the one—even his best friend.  That doesn’t mean he’s just going to stand there idly though!

Meanwhile, Buster is run through a kangaroo court that’s egged on largely by Draco.  The verdict is of course guilty and while Whiskers pleads with Smokey to just send Buster home, Buster is sentenced to death.

In space, Spot and the others are incensed by this.  Spot visits with Dr. Randy Ruff and they figure out how to modify one of the ship’s shuttles to be stealthier.  Spot, Marshy, and Randy take this and head towards Cattatonia with the intent of saving Buster.

But Buster doesn’t need their help!  Dodger shows up first to spring him.  Cassie catches up to them and summons other guards to help.  Then Whiskers shows up through a secret escape tunnel (one only the top royalty know about) and gets them out of there.  They’re wondering how to get out of there when Spot and Marshy show up.

Buster and the others board.  He tells Whiskers to go back to her people.  But she doesn’t want to because she loves Buster.  Though Spot and Dodger tell him not to do it, Buster agrees to take her back to the BPS.

The shuttle makes it back to the Batpooh and they high-tail it out of Catt space, back to the BPS.  Along the way back, Spot argues with Buster about what he’s doing and Buster says that he loves Whiskers.  Spot eventually agrees to support his friend.  Later, Buster shows Whiskers around the ship, which annoys his brother Jake, the security officer.

When they get back home, Buster and Whiskers are summoned to the president’s office.  There they first meet Buster’s older brother Jonathan, the chief of staff to the prez.  He expresses his displeasure at what Buster has done.  President Batpooh Bear is a little less angry, but still very annoyed about the situation.  Whiskers refuses to go back to Cattatonia, though, not until they clear Buster of the phony charges.

Later, Buster and Whiskers are walking around town with Spot and his new girlfriend Marshy.  Their somewhat pleasant night out is ruined when news comes in that a border outpost is under attack from the Catts!  They rush back to base, where Admiral Barker informs them that the Catt fleet is massing along the border for an invasion.  He tells Buster to remain here with Whiskers; Admiral Barker will take command of the Batpooh and lead a BPS fleet to the border.

After the ships have left, Buster and Whiskers are sitting around, annoyed that they can’t do anything.  Whiskers pleads with Buster that they need to go to the border so that she can reason with her mother, unaware that it’s Draco who’s really pulling the strings.

Buster agrees and they try to get a ship but can’t, even when he pulls rank.  That is until Dodger shows up.  He has a special Intelligence ship they can “borrow” to get them to the border quickly and discreetly.  Off they go!

Meanwhile, Spot and the rest of the Batpooh crew arrive and before long a fight breaks out between the BPS and Catt warships.  Probably at one point during the heavy fighting Marshy is injured and Spot hurries her back to sickbay, along the way confessing that he loves her and wants to marry her, which she agrees to if they survive this.

As things are getting bad, the Intelligence ship shows up and plants itself in the crossfire.  Whiskers hails both sides and pleads with them to stop this stupid fighting.  She and Buster confess their love and even kiss.  But Draco is not swayed.  He orders the traitor killed.  When his crew balks at this, he’s prepared to do it himself.

That’s when Queen Smokey appears and says she’s had quite enough of this.  She agrees to end the fighting and drop the charges against Buster.  This incenses Draco, who tries to kill her, but is stopped by Cassie, who has a heart after all.  She knocks Draco out and takes him to the brig.

Later we have a big wedding in Cattatonia, the biggest in their history and in that of the BPS.  Everyone is there, including President Batpooh, as Buster and Whiskers are married.  Spot congratulates his friend and remarks how glad he was they didn’t go to this much trouble for his wedding.  That’s right, Spot is married to Marshy and she’s pregnant with puppies!  (Dr. Nina Barker has already had hers and they’ve just barely opened their eyes for the wedding.)  Then everyone gathers for the big wedding photo, ushering in a new era of peace and happiness for the BPS and Cattatonia.  Roll credits!

Crazy, no?


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  1. I love it. The names are perfect. Don’t change them.

    Perhaps what we’ve always needed for world peace is the marriage of a cat and a dog. Just don’t take me to their bedroom.
    ; )

    • Yes, that would be pretty unpleasant to watch. As I remember they have three children: two bulldogs and one cat. Because we didn’t know enough about sex and no one makes cat/dog hybrid stuffed toys.

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