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Scribblings: Worst. Idea. Ever.

March 4, 2011

This is the kind of half-assed idea you come up with when you’re half-asleep:

Wereperson (Or The Worst Idea Ever Conceived)

Rough Story Notes

Big Symbolic Thing:  Something about the power of love redeeming us and crap like that.

So the idea is there’s a guy named Brad (as in Brad the Cad) who is a jerk and womanizer and so forth.  He’s got a great job, a cool car, a fancy apartment, and lots of neat gadgets.  Not to mention all the pussy he wants!  That is until one night he gets beat nearly to death by some woman’s jealous husband or boyfriend.

As he’s lying in an alley with the life bleeding out of him, a beautiful chick shows up and puts a hand on him and heals his wounds.  He wakes up later and thinks he’s imagined the whole thing.

Over the next few days, something strange happens.  Brad’s penis seems to be getting shorter, his hair is getting longer, and is it his imagination or is he getting boobs?  This leads to a few embarrassing situations, especially when he takes some chick home and can’t go all the way because his poor “little guy” has shriveled to practically nothing.

Finally one morning he wakes up and the transition is complete—he has a vagina!  Needless to say he’s freaked out about this and comically tries to avoid letting anyone he knows see him while “he” tries to think of some way out of this.

That night, as “he” is hunkered down somewhere and praying to wake up from this nightmare, the “angel” who saved him in the alley reappears.  She says she really is an angel—for the other side!  She’s actually a succubus (or whatever) who goes around getting good men to stray.  When her boss realized that Brad was dying, he thought “Who knows the minds of horny men better than this guy?  If we could turn him to the dark side he would be a powerful Sith lord, er succubus.”

So the terrible deal is that either Brad can die and go to Hell for his various sins, or he can stay alive as a succubus and lure horny guys to the dark side.  It takes Brad about three seconds to decide that he’d prefer to live and not writhe in endless torment.

The next morning he wakes up and he’s a dude again.  He starts to think that maybe this was all a terrible dream—again.  But that night the change starts happening again, only much quicker.  His new boss shows up and takes him out for some training, where he has to seduce a guy or two.  He finds this kind of creepy but manages to get the job done.  His new boss also explains that the change will happen whenever he has an assignment.  And since they’re evil and don’t feel like using phones or pagers, it will start happening with little warning.

For a few nights this goes on.  Brad still isn’t entirely cool with it, but being alive is better than being tormented in Hell is what he figures.  Then he gets the big assignment:  there’s some scientist guy who’s going to make a breakthrough to save millions of lives.  Brad’s job is to hook up with that dude and throw him off his game, setting the whole thing back and bringing that dude over to the dark side.  (Why not just freaking kill him?  Well first they have to turn him or else he’d go to the good side.  Come on, you watched Star Wars!)

So Brad begins the assignment of seducing the guy.  And you know what happens next:  they start to fall in love.  The scientist guy wants to see Brad more and more but Brad has to keep making excuses why he has to keep going away.

For the first time Brad is starting to actually to feel guilt for his actions.  When his boss shows up and tells him it’s time to drop the hammer, Brad can’t do it.  This of course sets off a showdown between him and the forces of darkness.  (You know, like Ghost Rider or Spawn.)  Brad of course can’t actually win on his own.  I mean, he’s fighting Satan for fuck’s sake!  But he gives his life to save the scientist guy.

That’s when a real angel—one from the good side—shows up and tells him that he’s redeemed himself for his life of sin by making a heroic sacrifice.  He could go up to Heaven now for eternal bliss.  Or since he’s proven what a badass he is, he could go to work for them, putting right what once went wrong or something like that.

As cool as eternal bliss might be, Brad decides it wouldn’t be much fun without the person he loves.  So he decides to go to work for the angels.

In the end he winds up as a chick with the scientist guy, but whenever he’s needed to fight evil he can summon cool angel powers or some shit like that.  Probably it works in reverse then where he goes from a chick to a dude so he can kick more ass.

(It’d be a lot easier if he just freaking died, but then you can’t have a fucking series, can you?  As if anyone would want to read more than one…)

Or something like that…

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9 Comments
  1. I don’t know — I kind of liked it, other than the title, which I assume is a working title. It’s got a lot of potential to be a number one seller on the Kindle, if you make it dirty enough.

  2. This story is full of win in bucketloads.

  3. Only if you gave him 3 million per half an hour! 😀

  4. Hi Rogue

    I’d say it has potential. You’d need him to also experience a change of sexual appetite along with the physical change, otherwise the falling in love might not be believable. I’m sure you could handle that though 🙂

    Now then, you are invited to a “dinner party” for Crusader Group 14 over at my blog.

    Writes of Passage

    Come and join in!

    Dom

  5. Gen permalink

    actually I might read this… it can’t be any worse than that “vampire” book that shall remain nameless…

  6. Interesting idea…

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