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Attempted Query 1.75

February 10, 2011

Thought of what I think is a better, more concise second sentence.

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Dear Agent’s Minion:

Some heroes are born to greatness while others stumble into it.  Dr. Emma Earl’s introduction to greatness is nearly deadly when she’s clawed by a monster known as the Black Dragoon.

In the hospital, Emma is led by her mother’s ghost to a hidden cavern beneath the museum where she works.  There she finds a suit of red plate armor that allows her to jump long distances, deflect bullets, and turn invisible.  By donning this armor, Emma becomes the latest in a line of heroes known as the Scarlet Knight, the Dragoon’s sworn enemy.

But to stop him, Emma must first face up to the personal demons she’s dodged most of her life.

A Hero’s Journey is a 100,000-word novel that begins not only Emma’s path to greatness as the Scarlet Knight, but as a person as well.

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Still not loving that last line.  At this point I’d tell myself to stop and think about it for a while.  Good advice, me.

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One Comment
  1. Alternate version:

    Dear Agent:

    Some are born to be heroes while others stumble into the job. Dr. Emma Earl’s path to becoming a hero begins when she’s nearly disemboweled by a monster known as the Black Dragoon.

    In the hospital, Emma is led by her mother’s ghost to a hidden cavern beneath the museum where she works. There she finds a suit of red plate armor that allows her to jump long distances, deflect bullets, and turn invisible. By donning this armor, Emma becomes the latest in a line of heroes known as the Scarlet Knight, the Dragoon’s sworn enemy.

    A Hero’s Journey is a 100,000-word novel that begins not only Emma’s path to greatness as the Scarlet Knight, but as a person as well.

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