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Attempted Query 1.5

February 10, 2011

Much of it is the same as last time, but I pull out some of the background stuff about Emma to get to the point.


Dear Agent’s Minion:

Some heroes are born to greatness while others stumble into it.

For Dr. Emma Earl, the path to greatness is a long and painful one.  Her first step is nearly her last when she’s almost disemboweled by a monster known as the Black Dragoon.

In the hospital, Emma is led by her mother’s ghost to a hidden cavern beneath the museum where she works.  There she finds a suit of red plate armor that allows her to jump long distances, deflect bullets, and turn invisible.  By donning this armor, Emma becomes the latest in a line of heroes known as the Scarlet Knight, the Dragoon’s sworn enemy.

But to stop him, Emma must first face up to the personal demons she’s dodged most of her life.

A Hero’s Journey is a 100,000-word novel that begins not only Emma’s path to greatness as a hero, but as a person as well.


Shorter, but probably not much better.  That’s usually how these things go.  Drives me bonkers.

Until the next half-assed attempt…


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  1. I like it; I’m not a great query letter writer — that’s why I don’t query much — but it got my attention.

    The “agent’s minion” thing might work for or against you, depending on the mood/humor of the person you’re getting to.

    • Thanks. I plan to replace “Agent’s Minion” with the agent’s name if I ever get around to emailing it. Though I think Minion would be more appropriate.

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